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Свеча перевод на английский
ЗИМНЯЯ НОЧЬ Мело, мело по всей земле Во все пределы. Свеча горела на столе, Свеча горела. Как летом роем мошкара Летит на пламя, Слетались хлопья со двора К оконной раме. Метель лепила на стекле Кружки и стрелы. Свеча горела на столе, Свеча горела. На озаренный потолок Ложились тени, Скрещенья рук, скрещенья ног, Судьбы скрещенья. И падали два башмачка Со стуком на пол. И воск слезами с ночника На платье капал. И все терялось в снежной мгле Седой и белой. Свеча горела на столе, Свеча горела. На свечку дуло из угла, И жар соблазна Вздымал, как ангел, два крыла Крестообразно. Мело весь месяц в феврале, И то и дело Свеча горела на столе, Свеча горела. WINTER NIGHT A blizzard blew and reached its crest, Was everywhere. A candle flared on the desk, A candle flared. Like midges in the summer dash To reach the fire, White little flakes flew to the sash In swarms and gyres. And on the glass the blizzard pressed Its rimy hair. A candle flared on the desk, A candle flared. And on the lighted ceiling lay The dusk projections, The crossing arms and crossing legs, Fate intersections. And on the floor, with a soft tap, Two shoes fell down. And wax, in tears, from the lamp Dripped on the gown. All vanished in the snowy haze, The gray-white air. A candle flared on the desk, A candle flared. The tempting heat swayed in a draft And, like an angel, It heaved two wings with its hot waft And crosswise tangled. It snowed until March no less, And often there A candle flared on the desk, A candle flared. Tags: Лучший из всех мною встреченных! Совершенно искренне восхищаюсь - самый мелодичный перевод из всех, что попались. Пардон, а Евгений Матусов - это Вы? В интернете никогда не поймешь кто есть. А есть где-то официальная страничка автора или что-то в этом роде? Очень и очень любопытно. Да, Евгений Матусов - это. Официальной странички автора нет, но в этом сообществе большинство переводов - мои, кто переводчик всегда указано, так что не ошибетесь. However, I'd like to alert you about a couple of prosody issues which seem to regularly occur in your translations. It seems that you assume there is an extra syllable where a native English speaker will think there is none. For example, "flared", "snowed", "no" are one syllable, not two as well as "hair", "air", "there". Generally diphthongs are perceived as 1 syllable. Also, in your translation from Brodsky, you seem to assume that "while" can be counted for 2 syllables as if the "e" at the end weren't mute. I don't think a native speaker would buy this. Such things are usually fixable by local rearrangements of words, and so I wanted to let you know - in case you haven't noticed these problems yet. Regards, Alexander Givental Dear Alexander, thank you for your feedback. Regarding the syllables - there is no consent among the English speakers about this; see, for example, this discussion: Also, diphthongs are often used in feminine rhymes by various authors and translators such as Onegin's translator James As for the word "while", I remember the following: See you later, alligator, After while, Crocodile. Here, the rhythm, the melody is the same in all four lines. So let's not be dogmatic about the syllables, it is the pronunciation and rhythm that matters here. The same word can be pronounced differently, and in some cases I use the same word with a diphthong both in masculine rhymes there it is one syllable and in feminine ones. The reader can perfectly guess the right pronunciation from the rhythmic structure of the poem. Dear Eugeny, Thanks for a quick reply by the way, if you would like to continue this discussion, maybe email is more appropriate - my email is givental math. Your link about "hour" only confirms my concern: the discussion is whether it is 1 or 2 syllables, but not 3. The same would go about "our". The Russian ear hears it as 3 syllables: A-U-A Rwhile in English it is 2 under stress, as in "hour", e. But a diphthong per se sounds to an English speaker as 1 syllable. Likewise, "fire" can have 1 or 2 syllables: FI-AR this is because of the clash between "i" and "r"but "air", "their" have 1. Furthermore, I understand that diphthongs can hopefully be used in lieu of feminine endings, and that's why the examples I gave from your translation were not the endings: "It SNOWED until March no less" and "A candle FLARED on the desk". Also, "A wax, in TEARS, on the lamp" - a native speaker will hear the capitalized words as 1 syllable. Finally, "while" in the example you gave is OK, because however you read the word - normally WAIL or mockingly WAILI? If this is your intention, then it's fine well, if not with me, then with English poetry lovers, because, they are usually quite tolerant to defects of rhythm. I just wanted to let you know in case it was inadvertent.